Sometimes I can be a real bitch. I’m not ashamed of this. I’m claiming it. Sometimes you have to be hard. That is one thing I’ve learned from my job. I try to leave bitchy me at the office but sometimes it spills over into our home life and leaves C wondering where his sweet, daycare teaching wife ran off too. She has been replaced by bitchy, take charge, get shit done, diesel engine shop wife. Here is a recent example of this terrible behavior. Don’t judge me ladies. We’ve all been there.
Back Story: C and I have been married for nearly 8 years. During this time I have always had a change jar on our dresser. C has always dumped his pockets, including change, into a drawer on his side of the bed. He knows I hate this. He know I hate that drawer. Most of all, he knows that it pisses me off that he does not use the perfectly good change jar whose only purpose in this world is to hold our change.
The other morning I had to open his drawer to look for something. I’m guessing there is at least $30 in change lining the bottom of this drawer. I swear George Washington smirked back at me as if to say, “Screw you, Honey. We like it in here.”
I waited until C was in the bedroom with me. Then I picked up the change jar and walked over to his change drawer.
C: What are you doing?
Me: I’ve given up on the idea of a change jar. We are just going to do it your way. I’m going to put all of the change in your drawer.
C: Don’t do that.
I swear he almost looked panicked at this point. The change jar isn’t small after all. I had every bit as much in my jar as he had in his drawer. It was about to be piled on top of all of his “important” shit. By “Important” I mean everything that falls out of his pockets each night that he just can’t part with. I have to say, I can see how someone might get attached to pocket lint and gum wrappers…anyhow, back to the conversation.
Me: Why not? I’m tired of fighting over this so I’m just going to put it in here.
I take the lid off the jar…his blood pressure goes off.
C: Don’t do that? I will take all of the change out of the drawer tonight. Just put the stupid jar down.
Me: No, I don’t want you to do that, honey. We will just do it your way.
C: I get it, okay. Seriously, do you have to do this?
Me: I’m just trying to make you happy.
LOL. I think we all know I was trying to do no such thing. I put the change jar down because really I am just all talk. I was just trying to prove a point. Pouring that change in there would hurt me more than it would hurt him. I was really worried he would call my bluff and I would be forced to dump by beloved jar into his bottomless pit of shit…I mean…important stuff.
Days have passed. His change is still in his jar. Mine is still in my drawer. 8 years from now it will be the same as it is now. I’m letting this one go…until I think of another clever, bitchy bluff to toss at the man. Any suggestions?
